Life can trip you up on a perfect day

I have opened up a new post at least four times, written paragraphs, deleted them, and closed the window.

In short, my heart hurts. I don't remember the last time I even opened up enough to experience this feeling. It had to be over a year ago. I have an eight mile run in store for me tomorrow, that should take my mind of things slightly. I know that a few weeks from now, I will see clearly and this will all seem silly. Doug said to me tonight, "you know, it really does not matter how long it was...if you feel hurt, it really hurts." He's right. I feel silly, but I'm the type of person who invests in others. It is a blessing and a curse, really. It means I will be one fantastic wife and mother, but it does not serve me well in the dating game. The game is mean spirited. It goes against everything that is right, and good. I don't feel like I am capable of participating and I hope that in the end that benefits me. So after much chocolate, a good chat with Gwen & Doug, and time to think--I feel that life will be looking up very soon here.

Frankly, I have much more to focus on than silly situations such as this. The application into the program is due in 14 days and I have MUCH to do in order to be ready for that. I am starting to get really excited for this summer. It will be a great break away from the Provo scene. Lots of camping, backpacking, and hiking. I can hardly wait!

I leave for Phoenix early this Friday morning. That's right, I am escaping for the weekend. I feel it is a well earned escape though. I will be driving down with Tegan [what better company than that?] and will be able to see Dane on Sunday, and will stay with my uncle Isaac and his family. I feel like being with my uncle will act as sudo-dad time which is needed. On top of that, I will get some sun, and have plenty of time to think things through.

It should be a good weekend, and I hope to return clear-headed and ready for the rest of the semester. Right now I feel to exhausted to express myself any further so I should call it a night.